Thursday, April 19, 2012
Am I Invisible?
I was never that beautiful middle schooler who "bloomed earlier". Nope! By the time I entered high school I was wondering if my bloom got lost in the dirt. I mean let's be honest I wore green velvet overalls with green flowers, had one front tooth (as discussed in an earlier blog), a unibrow, not the best skin, and had a rolling backpack! I set myself up for failure. Was no one bold enough to tell me to pluck?! High school was a better but I still found myself in that ugly duckling and awkward stage! I never knew the cool thing to say and was not so confident.I struggled with feeling invisible. Like no one noticed me unless I accidently ran over their foot with my handy dandy rolling backpack. Don't get me wrong I loved high school, but boys with awkward voice changes were not linging up at my door to ask me out. I felt like that was everybody else's life but mine. Looking back now I realize those emotions were probably all in my head. I had great friends and great memories. Since then I have bought a pair of tweezers, threw out those velvet overalls, and well...still am awkward! Some things you just can't change! Yet, will all of that change, recently I have felt like I am channeling the past and reliving that horrible emotion of being invisible. Like no one sees me unless they accidently step on me or elbow me in the face. Sometimes you just want to scream "I am here! Notice me! Do you see me?!"
Well, if you have ever felt that emotion you and I are not alone! She was nothing more than a slave; invisible unless called upon for the needs of others. She was used and then cast aside. Jealousy and strife became her surroundings. So she fled. Alone and without hope. Her name was Hagar. Her story is told in Genesis 16. When I read this story I can't help but think "The Days of Our Lives." I mean seriously it is like a soap opera. Yet, when Hagar is sitting alone in the wilderness most likely in a pity party God SEES HER and He comes to her and guides her in the way she should go! I could cry, scream, jump for joy at this scripture! God came to her! He SAW her in the midst of her invisiblility. He noticed her. She was important to Him. Genesis 16:13 says "So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing (El-Roi is His name),” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.”
I focus so much on who sees me and if they like what they see in all areas of my life. When I feel like I lack, I feel invisible. Yet, just like Hagar God SEES US and better yet He looks after us! Often times we are so focused on what we can see. Whether it is the boy or girl that doesn't notice you're alive, the boss that keeps passing you over for the promotion, or the lonely Friday nights when no one calls to hang out. It seems impossible not to ask "am I invisible?" If only we could get a small glimpse of what God sees...maybe just maybe we could turn our eyes from the situation wishing we were noticable and turn our eyes to the one who sees and looks after us. After all aren't His eyes the only ones that matter???
He's Big (and looking after me!) and I'm Little (looking to Him),