Wednesday, August 24, 2011

What might have been...

If y'all are anything like me you are probably jammin' out to one of my favorite 90's hits by Little Texas. If you have no idea what I am talking about I encourage you to listen to it (Little Texas) and get some's a tear jerker (or at least I think so)! Have you ever looked back in your rear view mirror of life and wondered "what might have been?" That has been me lately. I keep wondering what life would be like if I was not born with a disability? I yearn for that somehow it would be easy or perfect. I am even looking back at my college years questioning why I pursued ministry instead of finishing nursing. Even though my palms start profusely sweating every time I see or think about blood…oh gosh I am getting woozy right now as I type!

I am sitting here without a job, chasing what feels like a distant dream, wondering what might have been and wishing to rewind time or hit reverse on life! Sometimes I think it's easy to wonder about the past instead of focusing on the unknown future. Like somehow if we had changed just one decision, life would be peachy keen! Yet, we know in our hearts that we are afraid. We are afraid of the unknown, afraid of walking by faith and not by sight, and afraid of making the wrong decision. Maybe I am the only one scared of what is, so I focus on what might have been. Paul writes in the book of Acts a powerful speech to the leaders in Ephesus. He says "And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." Later in Acts Paul travels to Jerusalem and all that he spoke on came to pass. Yet he rejoiced…never looking back!

Let’s stop looking in our rear view mirror (unless you are driving and therefore should probably quit reading this altogether) and focus on the road or course ahead as Paul talks about. Our jobs and our lives are to fulfill the ministry that we have received from Jesus. Satan wants to paralyze us into believing that what might have been is better than what is. Maybe in the past, we have made “wrong decisions” or gone down the wrong path but if Christ is leading our lives then our eyes are to be focused on what is ahead, because we know that He is in charge NOT US. We know that afflictions (but also joy) await us, but we will not anxiously look back in our rear view mirror because life is always more exciting when Jesus is at the wheel!

He’s big (and driving) and I’m little,

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